I earned second place in Masters 40+ only losing to a man who was a mini-Rock from Manhattan, KS at 48 years old, and I feel zero shame in that. I also earned third place in Open F Class (6' and up) to two men 20 years my junior who looked phenomenal and were both great people. No shame from me, and no worries.
Everyone I met was amazing. Gym owners from Alaska, older men with interesting stories of surviving two bouts of Colon cancer, one is a practicing minister, and we ALL supported each other and helped each other with words, pumping up, and tips for posing.
My goal was to win, and I didn't, but I will use this off-season to grow correctly, eat like an athlete, and dedicate myself to a sport again.
I need work on posing fluidity, more size and shape, a little better conditioning, and I will be back, and I will fucking win.
As of now, I am a bodybuilder, and my mindset is fixated in that direction.
The last four weeks of prep have been the biggest mindfuck of my sport life, such as:
Will I be lean enough?
Fuck, I am tired, and I have to train.
I am starving, but I can't eat.
Where the fuck are my abs?
I can't sleep for shit.
My sex drive is fucking gone; what the fuck.
THC isn't even working; let's try 4 Benadryl.
Drinking coffee and eating nicotine like a college student.
I can't deal with people today. I will fucking snap; let's get one of my coaches to work for me, so I don't act like an asshole at work to my paying members.
My coach, Jason May, was perfect for me and IS my coach going forward for a very long time. He drove to the show with his wife, Heather, and their two kids and gave hour-by-hour adjustments with food and fluids. He even tolerated a 3 am text because he forgot to put his phone on silent - oops. I appreciate him as a coach, fellow gym owner, and friend. In the next couple of weeks, the Flex Fitness team (with my posing coach) is opening a supplement store two blocks from my gym in midtown, and they will be my main shop for my product. They even hired my girlfriend to work there one day a week to help. THAT is family, and you can't value that enough. I listened to him, didn't second guess him, and trust him. It paid off handsomely.
I love you, brother, as a friend, colleague, and coach.
Jason Tribble was a godsend as a posing coach. I watched so many competitors not do the mandatories correctly, and I kept hearing Jason in my head with his lessons. I appreciate him, and he is part of the Rexius Nutrition team opening up two blocks from Kansas City Barbell.
Ryan Baylark drove up from KC to support me for the evening show, and in a fast time, we because acquaintances to goddamn great friends. We bonded over motorcycles and lifting, and now our friendship is deeper than that. I love you.
Last but not least, Megan.
I have never been with a woman in my fucking life as considerate, caring, patient, and supportive as her. Not even fucking close. I am often taken aback by her level of consideration as I just am not used to it from anyone. She wore my logo on her chest for the morning show, does small shit to help when I don't ask or request, and is just there for me. I was an asshole for parts of this prep as you inevitably get short with people, and she was incredibly patient with me.
This week, she is moving in with me, and I can't be more happy and proud of her, proud to be with her, and spiritually fulfilled in how we are together. We communicate WELL, and I have never met anyone capable of communication with me like she is. She is the literal calm to the storm that is me. That isn't to say I am a storm to HER, but if you truly know me as my people do, you know damn well what I mean. I respect her immensely, and as she grows as a human and in her life, I have her back just like she has mine. I will cheer her on from the side just as she does me because she deserves that.
We are autonomous beings but a team.
She is strong enough to tell me I was wrong, like last night when I cut down to size a random woman at the bar for insulting the bartender (which the insultee certainly deserved to be cut down for), but I took my verbals a little far, and Megan wasn't afraid to tell me that. Of course, she WAS correct; I did go a little far but don't insult a hard-working woman in front of me for some weird reason, and maybe a super assertive human, like me, won't need to step up and step in.
Megan works hard, is a college student, a partner, a friend, and my biggest fan. Maybe you think having a "fan" is chauvinistic, but that is your problem, not mine. When you live and breathe as I do in a hyper goal-oriented mindset, having that support behind you is encouraging as hell and sometimes gives me that extra push where I need it.
I adore her, love her, value her, and admire her. Thank you, Megan. I can't say a single word that is strong enough to describe how much you mean to me, so I used a few paragraphs instead.
I had friends from all over the country text me well wishes. I have people everywhere, and despite my fuck the world mentality at times, I see you, I am blessed, I am full of gratitude, and I am full of love for you all who take the time to be IN my life where it matters and not just when it matters to you. I don't often recognize what I have because I am chasing my greatness with reckless abandon, but when I take the time to smell the roses in front of me, the scent is overpowering and completely satisfying.
As I said in an earlier post, I started in the gym idolizing people like Lee Haney, Dorian Yates, Arnold, and more. I had their pictures on my wall, emulated their training, and wanted to be them. Bodybuilding was what brought me to the gym after my mom said, "you need to lift; you are skinny." and it came full fucking circle at 47 years old and re-ignited a fire inside me, unlike anything I have had since I stepped on a rugby pitch.
I am here to stay.
Last night I binged on food I hadn't eaten in months. Pizza, candy, etc., and I felt like fucking SHIT after. It's 0730, and I still feel like ass, and I can tell you it wasn't worth it, but I knew that would happen and did it anyway.
Why?
To remind me how good I feel eating like I was for months, calorie excess or deprivation. I even broke my not-drinking streak by choice, and I can tell you right now that I don't miss alcohol. I had one drink and didn't even finish it. It does little for me now, mentally or physically. I had some vodka on competition day eve to help dry out a little, but I planned that anyway, and it was more utility over taste.
Today is day 1 of off-season. Jason and I are a team to push my growth in my first true off-season as a competitor and I am excited for it.
This is what I needed, this completes me as a person because it gives my drive a needed outlet for physical expression and allows me to channel my inner rage into something I can manifest into a physical outcome. I am not aimlessly drifting along looking for a key, this is the key that opens the last door in my psyche and personality.
I am home, and I have a team around me I would die for.
I love you all, truly. I fucking love you guys,
